I used to hide behind the baptismal font at church. It was some crazy Baptist church that believed in full submersion baptism as an adult. Of course instead of having some dignity and going down to the river to wash away ones sins, the baptismal candidate would don a white robe and get dunked backwards into a big tub they had installed at the back of the church stage. Everyone would be standing there, in their Sunday best, groaning out some dirge about Jesus and some poor bastard was getting dunked into a tub that washed away all their sin.
I always wondered if baptism was a metaphor for drowning.
And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water And he spent a long time watching from his lonely wooden tower And when he knew for certain only drowning men could see him he said, “All men shall be sailors then until the sea shall free them.” but he himself was broken long before the sky would open forsaken, almost human, he sank beneath your wisdom like a stone. (cue cellos) - Suzanne by Leonard Cohen
Perhaps the water was the metaphor. The sub conscious amniotic sack of the womb which washes everyone free and innocent like a babe. Perhaps the giant baptismal font was God’s first hot tub where he copulated with the divine mother who gave birth to this silly world. And they drank cold champagne and talked about getting a nice little place together on Saturn.